Parenting and Students

How much parenting is reasonable? I was interested to learn about the motives behind the parenting standards of a “Chinese mother”. The mother in “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother” had a list of things her daughters were never allowed to do. This included having playdates and not playing the piano or violin. Because of the strict parenting, the kids were very successful musicians and students on paper. Flawless grades and performances at Carnegie Hall are very impressive, but what does it matter to the kids if they have to be perfect all of the time? These achievements are taken for granted, not as personal achievements but rather tasks they have to complete. I imagine that for these kids, getting all A’s in high-level subjects is not something they are proud of, rather a relief that they won’t be reprimanded by their mother. This creates an unhealthy relationship with learning and any type of achievement.

In contrast, the over-involved parent described in “Raising Successful Children” is also detrimental to children. When kids are praised for every small accomplishment or apply for colleges “with” their parents, the kids don’t learn the satisfaction of achieving something on their own. While it is important to encourage children to succeed, succeeding for them only benefits the parent rather than the child.

There needs to be a happy balance of parenting. Not too overbearing, but also setting up some rules to keep children are safe. Children need to learn how to fail and have motivation to keep trying. But how is this balance achieved? There is no universal parenting norm and that makes it especially difficult for schools. Parenting is the one variable that schools cannot control, so schools have to find a way to deal with students who have been raised differently. Parent-teacher conferences are valuable for parents to learn how their kid is doing in school, but they should also be a chance for teachers to learn about how parents raise their kids. This way, the parents become more involved in education and hopefully work with teachers to educate kids. Not overbearing with loads of extra work or too lax with deadlines, parenting in a happy medium can lead to more successful students.